Chapter 12: Scandalous. Mom, please don't read this one.

We broke up, the 26th of December, 2010.

My car broke down that week. I can't even remember what the problem was, but I remember how much I wanted to leave Roosevelt Utah, and never return.

I had to wait a couple days. I felt like the whole town was aiming some bad vibes in my direction.

As soon as my car was fixed, I was gonzo. I couldn't get out of town quick enough. I threw all my stuff in the trunk, and was on the road.

It was probably the 29th or 30th.

I promised myself I'd never look back. I promised myself, that I was done with Utah forever. There was nothing left there for me. Absolutely nothing.  I never wanted to come back at all.

As it was the day before new year's eve, I promised myself (wait for it, wait for it, play the next song...)

This will be my year.

2010 was full of heartache, and anger, disappointment, and near death experiences in the most terrible places.

I promised myself, that 2011 would be my year.  I was going to be the king of my own world, do great things, meet wonderful new people, and see new interesting places.  

Honestly, I was terrified of change. The thought of being "alone" after 4 years of being with Lee was scary. I didn't know if I could make it on my own. I didn't know how to just walk up and start talking to girls. Was I a timid guy? Would I be good at opening conversations and meeting people?

I needed a sign. I needed something to tell me that I'd be okay, or that I made the right choice.  My parents were very supportive. My friends were supportive. But I needed something else.

For Christmas, Lee had gotten me a Luv Sac.  A big one.  She knew I didn't have any furniture in my apartment in Colorado, so that's what she got me for Christmas. It was a very thoughtful gift. 

Sadly, the day after she gave it to me, I had to bring it back to her.  That was kind of sad.

When I rolled into Lakewood, I got to my apartment, walked up the stairs, and opened the door.  There were a set of new couches in our living room, a dining room table and matching chairs. 

That was my sign. 

If we had stayed together, I would have kept the Luv Sac, and would have had no where to put it.  That's when I said to myself, "Okay. You can do this."

And I did it. 

I went from meeting a girl here and there, to getting phone numbers all over the place.  I had some great support in that area, from Mr. Colonel Crimson (no, not his real name).  

There were weeks that I went on 8 or 9 dates. Yeah, that's 3 on a good Saturday. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.   I was good. Really good.  I was totally broke, but I was able to do all this. I had fun, spent almost no money, and met lots of really great girls. 

I stumbled into Legal Process Serving for a little while, where you go around knocking doors and throwing court documents at people, kind of like on Pineapple Express. 

That didn't last long.

Then I got a job for a few months as a teller at Wells Fargo in Golden, Colorado.  

That was such a fun job.  I was pretty much the only guy in the branch, so I was just surrounded by girls all day long.  That was kind of a morale/ego boost.  

So...here's how the girl situation went.  I went on some dates with this girl from school, we'll call her Angie.  Her family was straight from India, although she was born and raised in Golden. She was a cheerleader for Mines, Petroleum Engineering major, school ambassador, bla bla bla.  

She was also kind of a psycho jealous B word.  

I got to be pretty tight with her girl friends, so sometimes when they went out, they'd ask me to join them. I couldn't say no to a nice invitation. Most of the time, we were expecting her to go with us, but she always bailed.  

So I went dancing a couple times with them. No big deal. They were chill, and nothing weird was going on. Then something really weird happened.

Her best friend, Rochelle, another girl from school, asked me to go hang out with some other people.  I drove, as I knew they were all just going to get drunk. We ended up back at her place later that night. They continued drinking, I continued hanging out awkwardly.  I didn't want to drive home (as it was like 4:00 A.M.), so when everyone left, I just crashed on the couch. 

She wasn't having that...she wanted to "cuddle" with me. I told her I really just needed to crash, I had to work at like 8:00 in the morning.  

She kind of forced her way on to the couch.  I just closed my eyes and tried to pass out.  But she wasn't having it.  She starts trying to seduce me, in no indirect terms.  It was bad. It was even really sad. She was begging me to.....do things. I wasn't having it. 

NO WAY IN HELL.

In four years of being with the Lee, I had never done that. And I sure as hell wasn't giving it up to some drunk girl, who's best friend I had been recently dating. She was pretty persistent. She starts stripping off her clothes, and jumping all over me.  I think it was something like that story of Joseph in Egypt.  I was afraid that I'd try to escape, and she'd rip my shirt, then accuse me of rape or something.  

Somewhere in the midst of my keeping her off me (she's pretty  much naked at this point, yeah, really weird and terrible situation).  And it's not that she wasn't attractive, she was very attractive.  It was just so wrong. The whole thing. So wrong.  During much of that whole situation, I thought to myself, "Gosh, if I were any other guy in the world, this would be like, the coolest thing ever". I felt really bad for the girl.   

She was literally begging for sex.  I had never done it before, and the was in absolutely no way going to be the first. It didn't even register as a possibility in my mind.  Yeah, I had recently broken up with Lee, love of my life, and she was all I could think about.  I was still way in love with her. And no matter what happened, I'd always be reminded of her. That never changed. 

So...it was like that part in The Other Side of Heaven, where the girl fakes a sprained ankle, and Elder Groberg goes to help her out, and she like, drops her skirt and rips her shirt off, and he's totally awkward. "This would never happen in Idaho", he says. I guess he hasn't been to Rexburg lately (kidding).

He gives this super cool explanation about his one true love, and how they promised each other this and that, and totally gets out of the situation.  I didn't get out of it quite that gracefully. I ended up sneaking out of there while she sort of dozed off.  And no, I wasn't going to call.  

(At this point, I was going to embed another song fitting for this part, The Party Song, by Blink 182. Find it and play it if you feel so inclined). 

I decided, that I was done messing around with wild women.  Not a great idea.  I thought, okay, I'll stick to Mormon girls. I discovered, that that has challenges of its own.  There were a few who were just as wild.  

Like, this chick Nikki.  (Yes, I have some weird thing for girls named Nichole, or dental hygienists, or a combination of the two.)

Nikki was/is a Mormon girl, technically.  We went on a few dates, hung out a few times, studied together. We end up with her friends a few times, and she decides to get totally ____faced drunk, or smoke a good bowl with her friends. 

That was sort of a turn off.  Somewhere in the midst of all this, was a repeat of the drunk girl situation from the first story.  

I couldn't win for losing (is that the correct usage of that expression?)

There was [name withheld], who after one date thought decided we needed to have "the talk", about where this was going, and what we were. I didn't know we were anything. I thought we had just gone on a date. It got even more weird when I totally quit calling her, and she ends up waiting for me in a church parking lot after an activity. Talk about a creeper. I thought only guys did that.  

There was Michelle, an older girl (like 30?) from another ward, who somehow tricked me into giving her my number after an FHE.  She texted me probably 30 times a day after that.  I thought about changing my number.  It was getting kind of scary.  I'm glad she never said something like, 

"I know where u live lol jk but really". 

I later found out that she was also stalking my friend Matt, so I felt a little better about it. 

There was typhoon Tessie...met her off the coast of Java.

Alyssa. I'm pretty sure I broke Alyssa's heart. This is one of the few things in my life I genuinely feel bad about.  But it just wasn't there for me. It was for her, but not for me.  I'm glad to say, she's married now to a guy much better suited to her than I was.  I can say no bad things about her. She deserved better (or just different) than my vagabond, sarcastic, wandering [butt]. 

Chantal. Chantal is still awesome, I have nothing bad to say about her. Probably the most awesome, non complicated, drama free girl I've ever had the privilege taking on some dates, and made slot number 6 on "the list".  She was supposed to call me tonight, now that I think about it.... or was I supposed to call her? At any rate, very cool girl. Oh, and is going into dental hygiene. Weird, right? I don't know how I run into these girls.


As a side note, the only girl in my mission who really had the hots for me, who's mother was dead set on having me return to take her daughter back to the EEUU, her name was (you guessed it!) Nicole.  And no, there are no stories involving her, I'm proud to say.


Nyckie: She was the only other girl in my life I could really say was my "girlfriend", although for only a couple of months. We had some good times, and her family is amazing. I love them very much! But, in the end, I was standing outside the window of her car in the middle of the night, begging her to tell me what I did wrong, much like that part in Hitch, where he's like "Cressida!!!", standing out in the rain.

 It was just like that, except Nyckie threatened to call the cops on me.  I don't blame her for not knowing what she wants right now, but at least she could have been an adult about breaking up with me.  Maybe it was karma for what happened with Alyssa. I guess that seems fair. But I'm not getting married anytime soon.

So, if you know any Dental Hygienists, especially those named Nichole, or Nikki, please don't introduce me to them. I'm predisposed to getting into a really weird situation where they are concerned.

On second thought, bring it on. I need something to write about. 

Ha.

 The Oilfield Romantic