Thursday, May 31, 2012

Where I stood.

Please pause whatever is playing and play this video. Then, continue reading. 

Part 1

"I don't know how you do it", I said.

"Do what?" he replied, stoically. 

"Do this, all of this." I waved my hand, pointing to everything. "Living between a rock and a hard place."

Then he took a long drag on his Marlboro Red 100, and said something I'll never forget.

"There are good days, and there are bad days." 

Part 2

He was done running away. He was done looking for himself.
He was deep in regret, for having walked away.

He saw her in every sunrise, every sunset, and every mile of the road.
She was at the airport, at the truck stop, with him when he stopped to sleep after a long haul.
She was across the bar, in a brunette girl, strong and ambitious.

He told me he was going home. 
He had been wrong all along, he said.
Then he swallowed hard, as if to distract himself from a growing fear, looked at the clock, then the calendar. I could read his lips as he read "June, July, August...twenty ninth, thirtieth".

I asked him why he was doing it. Why he was going home, if it was such a long shot.

He said, "If there's a one percent chance that she'll forgive me, that she'll give me a shot at giving her everything, a one percent chance that part of her is still in love with me;

If there's a ninety nine percent chance that I'll move my life across the country only for her to break my heart and burn it;

If all the cards are stacked against me, and that she'll decide she's happy being safe, 
that she's happy without true magic, without adventure, and real passion,"

He took a shot of everclear and said,

"I'll take that chance."

And he will. 

And I will.

The Oilfield Romantic

Monday, May 21, 2012

Chapter 27:Getting [it] done. This might be offensive.

“What is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

Serge & Ernest (2 Geniuses at a bar)

This is a piece that I requested to a very good friend of mine. It started out with him trying to tell me a secret, which he didn't ever get around to telling at the time.

But, it was one of the most revealing conversations I've ever had with someone about myself. It went beyond what is written here, but this was a sample of it.

This isn't all exact, and a lot of it is paraphrased. I may or may not agree with some of the things said in this, but that doesn't really matter. It's what was said, more or less.

First of all, I'm a busy man. Not because I have a long list items to do, but because I don't want fill my day with meaningless errands that are not beneficial to myself. I was asked to do a small excerpt, and I'm doing it. Why? I'm not entirely sure. Why not? I'll let you decide. I was commissioned for a short entry because of a series of simple conversations that put me in a impressive light. One, in particular, started with me pointing out a characteristic that is often less than favorable (see attached speech) and then admitting that I envied that particular trait. He was flattered, and moreover intrigued. He had talked to me previously about his blog and the increasing audience and their involvement. Me, not daring to turn down an opportunity to offend so many people at once, decided to take time out of my "busy" day (I'll get around to you later, porn) and write a page.

Honest: Free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere.

Honesty, is a dangerous, but powerful tool. I've seen my father cry and act out in anger because I answered a question honestly. It was a question he asked every time I had the grace of his presence. The question of religion. I don't mean this as a tattle on my father for not liking my life choices because his reaction was, what I want to say, based in an honest concern for myself. At first, I took it as disappointment, which for me, as a son, is utter failure. As a son, I'm a failure, which is to me, is a success. Sons are supposed to inherit their father's possessions, beliefs, ambitions, friends, and, if you ask Sigmund Freud, even their wives. I add the final to emphasize the ridiculousness of this notion of creating carbon copies. I'm not even saying I'm an exclusion to the rule. I one day hope to reproduce so that I can make a smaller idol of myself, hopefully with less flaws and more strengths. So why am I so adamant about expressing my failure as a son? Is it so hard to conceive that my father is imperfect and does not portray my image of my future self? No. Am I acting out to get the attention I was deprived from? Hopefully, not, but I'm not a psychiatrist. As soon as I hear a good suggestion from my dad, and it's in my best interest, as seen from my point of view, and I turn it down, just to turn it down, I'll let you know.

And now, a conversation that occurred between me and Greg Page, also known as "The Speech." This is not the full speech, the real one was much longer and more in depth.

Me: "Greg. I have a dark secret."

Greg: "Really? What is it?"

Me: "I want to tell you. Believe me, I do. This is a secret that I have not told anyone, but you would have the best perspective on it."

Greg: "Why me?"

Me: "Because you are one of the most [messed] up people I know. You really are. Do you take the sacrament every week at church?"

Greg: "Yes. And I never miss church."

Me: "Even after committing an act that would otherwise prevent you to in accordance with the church?"

Greg: "Yeah, maybe. Depends"

Me: "You do these things and you rationalize them with yourself not because you enjoy being wicked, not because you are rebelling, but because you have to. You NEED to do those things. You will go crazy if you don't do those. If you had a choice before you and you had to kill a man and you knew all the rational behind it, you could do it, and all you would have to say is, "you gotta do what you gotta do." and that is scary."

Greg: "So, what are you trying to say?"

Me: "I'm just saying you've got balls."

Greg: "Okay, cool."

Me: "Please don't hurt me."

I am a consequentialist.
My philosophy is that the end justifies the means.
It means that the benefits from something outweigh the harm done by the process. For example if somebody cured cancer, but had to kill 1 cancer patient to find the cure, they might say that curing cancer made the loss of 1 life to save many worth it. Of course, the family of the dead patient (and the legal authorities) might see the matter differently.

 The only right thing to do is to accomplish the task at hand. To me, it seems wrong to leave it undone.  

If the reasoning is sound, the only thing that matters is making it happen.

I think this is part of an interesting personality trait that may or may not explain the way I think and work.

Social dominance orientation (SDO) is a personality trait which predicts social and political attitudes, and is a widely usedsocial psychological scale. SDO is conceptualised as a measure of individual differences in levels of group-based discrimination and domination; that is, it is a measure of an individual's preference for hierarchy within any social system. The concept of SDO as a measurable individual difference is a product of Social Dominance Theory.

I think we'll talk more about this on the next one. 

Now, excuse me while I hop on a plane to Denver...then Salt Lake...

The Oilfield Romantic

Monday, May 14, 2012

Special Guest Post: A Man in the Arena

Hey everyone, here's a positive and forward looking piece from a very good friend of mine.  I'm glad to see his/her  words on paper (so to speak).

Inhale deeply. Slow your heart.

While some of my friends would say I'm personable and can get along with most anyone thrown into my path, I feel my nature and optimism gets construed as a person without worry, fear, doubt, pains, simply because I try to be a kind person even while chaos erupts through my life. I know there are others like me out there, some probably even reading these words right now. The bright and happy person whom everyone perceives as having a great, maybe even perfect life. Never truly understanding that we are human and we have the same emotions as the person throwing a grand spectacle.

I recall when I was younger, how often I heard and thought things would be easier when I got older. Things will be easier once I finish college. Things will be easier when I get the job I want and live where I want. The only problem was it was the greatest lie ever told to me. Once we have the education, the career, the basic securities of life, there is only one direction to look, and that's inside. Inside the very depth and soul of your character and your being, and true introspection is one of the greatest gifts and burdens given to us by our heavenly father. Because at that moment, we are forced to confront the true fears of life, they aren't employment or material possessions, they are the eternal life bonds that make this life worth living. Family, Christ, faith, friends, the things that actually require work and sweat and blood, never can you walk into a room take a two hour test and walk out knowing you'll have never to deal with the difficulty of human emotions relating to loss. No that joy is reserved for college classes, I've taken so many exams that I cursed, but the ironic thing is two years after completing my higher education, I barely remember a word of those exams. You know what I do remember, you know what echoes through my mind and soul, every word I've ever said in spite to someone or the words I never said to those I cared about because of my own doubt and fears. Those are what pang me, those are what keep me up at night.

So yes, from outside appearance I am happy, I have a great life that many claim they "wish they had" but I promise you, be content with what you have. Never envy others for a moment, because they have the EXACT same fears as you, possibly even worse simply because the minor worries of their life have passed and all that lay before them are the grand ideas encompassing our true lives. But since finding myself in my faith, I must say that these issues become worth it, every tear, every drop of blood, every bead of sweat, I wouldn't trade a second of it. It has molded me into someone I am proud to be, someone who can see life in a grander, I'll be it more daunting, scale.

I encourage you to look inside, face what we all fear most, and then run at it. Headstrong, confident, with every emotion on your sleeve and shatter the barriers you believe you have. When you challenge your own introspection you grow by the greatest measure, my friend Greg and I have had many a heart felt conversations on this topic and we always reach that conclusion. If I'm not falling on the ground asking why is this so hard, then it wasn't worth it!

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Positive Power. Keep fighting.

The Oilfield Romantic and Friends

If anyone has anything they'd like to share with the rest of the class...don't be timid! It can be anonymous if you want it to be. 

Saturday, May 12, 2012

I saw blood and a bit of it was mine.

All we want out of life is to be happy. What brings us "happiness" varies from person to person.  It seems kind of useless to me to say that I'm just looking for "happiness". More importantly, I'm looking for what will bring me that happiness.  

Stepping back a bit, what is happiness, in the broadest, most Webster sense of the word?

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. A variety of biologicalpsychological,religious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources.                                                                      Okay. What is it that will bring me to the sources of happiness?Biologically...good health. This is something I've been really kind of taking for granted.  I am in great shape. Seriously, I'm physically in my prime.  I haven't done much working out since my senior year of high school...I haven't gained unnecessary weight... and I haven't lost much muscle tone.  I don't get sick, and I've never had a major injury that affects me in any way. 
I realized the other day, that so many people would give anything to be in this good of shape, to be able to physically handle the rigors of the life I live.  The other day, I went with some friends to climb the rock wall at the local YMCA... I went up one of the more difficult walls in probably thirty seconds, and I'd never really done much climbing before. I discovered that it was something I'm really good at, and something that I want to cultivate and improve on .  

Psychologically...I have an overactive mind.  I have to be constantly challenged, or else I get bored. When I get bored, I do stupid [stuff]. When I do stupid [stuff], I become unhappy. I am a workaholic for that reason. It keeps my mind busy, and keeps me from getting into trouble.  

Religiously...let's talk about why it's not easy to find happiness.  We ask ourselves "why is life so hard? Why is it so hard to find a measure of grace and joy, and a lasting peace and happiness?
I'm gonna turn it over to my friend Jeffrey R. Holland for this one-
You will have occasion to ask those questions. I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience.Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that [we all] have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. [Everyone, at some point] will have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary.
Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and sacrilegious. But I believe that [we], in order to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price.
For that reason I don’t believe [life] has ever been easy.  I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something from the depths of our soul.
If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,” 16 then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way.
The Atonement will carry us. When you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon and cast out and made a hiss and a byword, you are standing with the best life this world has ever known, the only pure and perfect life ever lived. You have reason to stand tall and be grateful that the Living Son of the Living God knows all about your sorrows and afflictions. The only way to salvation is through Gethsemane and on to Calvary. The only way to eternity is through Him—the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
I testify that the living God is our Eternal Father and that Jesus Christ is His living and Only Begotten Son in the flesh. I testify that this Jesus, who was slain and hanged on a tree, 17 was the chief Apostle then and is the chief Apostle now, the Great High Priest, the chief cornerstone of His Church in this last and greatest of all dispensations. I testify that He lives, that the whole triumph of the gospel is that He lives, and because He does, so will we.
On that first Resurrection Sunday, Mary Magdalene first thought she saw a gardener. Well, she did—the Gardener who cultivated Eden and who endured Gethsemane. The Gardener who gave us the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valley, the cedars of Lebanon, the tree of life.
I declare Him to be the Savior of the world, the Bishop and Shepherd of our souls, the Bright and Morning Star. I know that our garments can be washed white only in the blood of that Lamb, slain from the foundation of the world. I know that we are lifted up unto life because He was lifted up unto death, that He bore our griefs and carried our sorrows, and with His stripes we are healed. I bear witness that He was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities, that He was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief because upon Him were laid the transgressions of us all. 18
I bear witness that He came from God as a God to bind up the brokenhearted, to dry the tears from every eye, to proclaim liberty to the captive and open the prison doors to them that are bound. 19 I promise that because of your faithful response to the call to spread the gospel, He will bind up your broken hearts, dry your tears, and set you and your families free. That is my missionary promise to you and your missionary message to the world.   

Okay, thanks Jeff.

I was walking far from home... I saw blood, and a bit of it was mine. The rest belonged to Christ.

I've never intended to get very religious in my blog, but tonight is the exception. I'm really quite proud of my faith, and I respect the faith of others.

Attitude is everything.  Learn to appreciate what you have, and all the beautiful things that are already in your life.

That's what I'm working on. Loving my life for what it is already, but always striving to make it even better.  -This is a picture of me at work ->

My life's greatest ambition?  To be a great husband and father, and to support my family by doing something I love.  While I don't have a wife or kids, I can at least do something I love (and get paid for it).


The Oilfield Romantic

Friday, May 11, 2012

Chapter 26: Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk?

...I didn't mean to call you that.

I'm feeling really positive today.  Really.

I have no idea why, but I'm feeling great.  Some really stressful things have been happening lately, but today nothing is getting me down.

If I could get another chance, I'd put it in a zip lock bag...

The song currently playing might just be my personal theme song. Countless times in my life, I've gotten into my car or truck, only to think "I'm seriously my own worst enemy."  What a silly notion, although so true, for so long.

Story time. 

I came up to North Dakota to chase after another adventure. This time, it was washing trucks and equipment in the oil field.  I found out over the last 5 months, that I can't do this on my own.  I could do it alone, but at the cost of having any kind of social life.  I've seen my quality of life consistently worsening and worsening.  I've been burning the candle at both ends, as it is said.  

I'm exhausted.  I've been lonely. I've been stressed.  I think it has taken a few years off my life. Really.

Luckily, I have some of the best friends in the world who have kept me going, who have believed in me, who haven't given up on me.  I'm talking about Reed, Jason, Skyler, Chett, Tyson, and Freddy. 

Things haven't gone exactly as planned, but things rarely do.  The last couple months, I have been reflecting on life, figuring out what it is I'm chasing after.  In the very first post, titled "Looking for Something", I talk about this.  

I've come to realize, that everything I've ever wanted is actually everything I already had: a wonderful family, and friends that care about me.  

I've been searching for a place that feels like home, somewhere I belong.  I recently realized that I feel at home when I'm with the ones I love.  

I think that in all this running around, looking for something, I have actually been running away instead; running away from the truth, that I had everything I ever wanted, and was afraid to reach out and take it.  

Today, the sun is shining in North Dakota.  It's one of the few beautiful days we've had in the last month.  I should really be asleep right now, but I had to go take care of some business with a client, and now I don't want to go back to sleep.  

I have a long night ahead of me, dispatching from 6:30 tonight til 7:30 in the morning, and the same tomorrow night.  

Now for some more honesty. 

Last Sunday, I went to stake conference.  I had worked about 10 straight days, and the final two days I was awake for about 48 hours.  I considered not going to church, just getting home and crashing, but something pushed me to go to church.  I'm glad I did.

Being waaaay out of it that morning, I couldn't really keep my eyes open for the first half.  Once I was actually sort of awake, a guy named Brother Mclellan got up and spoke. He wasn't a member of our stake, in fact I think he was from Colorado, and I don't know where they found him.  But he told an amazing story of how he got into the oilfield to pay of debts and support his family, but had to basically give up everything in his life for work, including church.  

He talked about living out of his truck, not eating well for weeks at a time, sometimes not even showering for days at a time.  He talked about how slowly he was losing his testimony of the church, of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  At one point, he had a very scary experience in a blizzard in Wyoming.  He almost froze to death, but was miraculously okay.  

His whole story hit home for me, in such a way that I kind of just burst out crying in the middle of the meeting. Quietly, mind you, I wasn't sobbing and blubbering like a child. But it was pretty intense for me.  No talk or testimony in church has ever affected me so strongly as that one.  It sounded like the story of my life...wandering around, chasing work, getting stuck in Wyoming (I had a scary run in there as well a few times).  

Slowly but surely, I have been weakened, bit by bit, to where I was doing things I would never have considered doing in my entire life.  Not taking care of myself, destructive behavior, etc.  My language has degraded into pure roughneck/sailor speak.  Not pretty.  I've even thought for a long time about getting some ink done.  (Even I'm asking myself, "Really?")

I'm going to make the best of all my alone time- and I have plenty of that. I'm going to work on myself.  I'm going to read the scriptures more, pray more, meditate more, and get back to who I was when I got off that plane from Chile.  

I'm in control of my life. I choose happiness, not destruction and sadness.  I love my family, I love my friends, I love my life. It's crazy, and unpredictable, but it's good.

INTERRUPTION- In the middle of writing this blog from the trailer fabulous domicile at Western Petroleumville, ND, my next door neighbor (next trailer hookup neighbor) John Kent and his wife Angela invited me over for dinner before me and John went to work. John is one of the driver's I dispatch.  

We had a warm meal of breaded chicken, corn, and mashed potatoes.  We had civilized conversation for a couple of hours. I told them about my family, and everything I've been doing the last few years. They told me about their kids, and their home in Idaho.  You see, the when I got out of that cool

I think today they somehow felt they needed to invite me over to their camper for dinner. And this was at the same time I was writing about having a positive outlook on the future, despite the difficulties of the present.

I'm so thankful for the people that bless my life on a daily basis!  Yay for being positive!

The Tentative Good News

An oilfield chemical company has offered me a job- wait for it...wait for it- back home in Utah.  We haven't worked out all the details yet, but it is the opportunity I think I've been really waiting for. I'm excited to spend some extended time close to my family (and friends in Utah/Colorado).  

 And another thing...

There is a girl out there, waiting for me to step up, and be the man I was born to be. I'm going to live life to its fullest, and I'm going to find her. Guess I'm not quite as cynical as I thought. 

...and keep it in my pocket, keep it in my pocket.

I guess I'm still...

The Oilfield Romantic

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Chapter 25: A generation that can't run a shovel.

There's a good chance this Romantic will be wandering back to the homeland in the fall.

My Aunt K recently said to me: "There are plenty of adages .. basically, in something closes it opens the way for a better to open. Sometimes it's a matter of something falling apart .. that a new can be built instead."

It's also been said, that when God closes a door, he opens a window.  That being said, one big door seems to be slowly closing, and a big window is slowly opening.   I'll be working out the details in a week or two, but It looks very much like the Oilfield Romantic will be headed back to his hometown, possibly for the next couple of years. 

I'm extremely excited about this new opportunity, and I'll be keeping ya'll posted on it as it plays out.  

Anyway, tonight one thing is really heavy on my mind: who will be the leaders of our generation? What do I need to do to get to the top and stay there? Has our generation lost the work ethic of our parents and grandparents? How will I bring an entire industry up to date technologically?

This is all interesting to me.

It's a myth that the workplace is turning into one big leaderless state. Just as decisions made by committee often require head banging, life without leaders would be one big headache. Yes, leadership has changed anddecentralized organizations are here to stay, but there will always be leaders. We want success. We want to win, and winners have leaders.
Once you've tossed aside the crutch of hierarchical authority though, "knowing how to build relationships, use influence and work with others is crucial to achieving the results you seek," according to Valeria Maltoni, a specialist in connecting ideas and people.
A Generation Y leader inspires by enabling others to be leaders. They know the strengths of those they lead, and exploit those for the success of that person. A Gen-Y leader delegates to help the worker achieve their goals. They are motivated by relationships and have an obsession with seeing others succeed.
By making room for other leaders, "you attract people who aren't followers, who aren't looking for the kind of leader who will save them from the anxiety of responsibility," according to Michael S. Hopkins. And the millennial generation does not follow.
Instead, we create our own content, build our own businesses, do things our way. Be an entrepreneur or die,says Sam Davidson at Cool People Care. For the Gen-Y leader, it isn't about ego, but about sharing ownership and building a community of ideas. An effective Gen-Y leader helps our generation to embrace entrepreneurshipat every level.
A Gen-Y leader is inclusive and collaborative, and not just within their sphere of influence. An isolated organization will perish. Successful organizations are defining themselves as the gateway expert in their field. On the playing field, in this instance, companies must pick the competitor to be a part of their team for bigger and better results. It's not enough to have a quality product; you must reach out and promote others. Teamwork is no longer just within a company. It's industry-wide.
As a result, lines haven't just been blurred; they've been pulverized on high in a blender. Competitors are partners, work is play, and boundaries no longer exist. As such, Gen-Y leaders must be leaders by example, and in every aspect of their life, whether family, work, or play.
Generation Y leaders, however, can and will be easily replaced by their peers. We are a starfish generation. Go ahead and try to chop one of us down, and we'll grow a whole sprawling forest in that person's place. We're that strong. We're that motivated. We don't respond lightly to pressure or corruption.
A Gen-Y leader's efforts to maintain influence will be harder for that reason. Especially because it is often our peers doing the chopping. As a generation, we're remarkably good at calling bull. We have no qualms about holding our leaders up to the light to check for transparency.
Gen-Y leaders then must know themselves first, and project their authenticity. They must also be constantlylearning, experiencing, doing, networking, creating, giving. It won't stop. Our generation won't put up with selfish thoughts, unethical behavior, or tired ideas. The Gen-Y leader must be constantly on.
That's how we will become the next great generation. We won't stop. Change is in the air; inhale deeply.

The Oilfield Romantic

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I took the one less traveled by.

Arnegard. Alexander. Mandaree.
Cold toes, and buzzing head.
Some people just know how to work.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;        

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,        
 And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.        
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.        

I took the road less traveled by.  That's why in the two and a half years since returning from south america, I've been nothing but restless. I've been wandering around, here and there, not really putting down any roots in any one place.  

I find myself at three in the morning, strolling down a muddy road to the mechanic shop, reminiscing with Steve and Little Doug about life and shenanigans, concerts and old girlfriends.  It's been raining pretty much non stop for the last several days here. The mud is really deep around here, but at least the fog has let up.  

Doug proceeds to fix the broken exhaust hanger on the left side of my truck. It's been broken for a little while, and I haven't been able to get around to fixing it.  Doug noticed it a while back, and would have fixed it for me  had I brought it in.  

One of the best things I've found in my wanderings, are the amazing people I've met, and the meaningful friendships I've made, even in the strangest and most random of places.  

It's cold outside, but I'll go out with the guys for their periodic smoke break. I'm done with the night's paperwork anyway, and I'm only waiting on my one driver to call in his fuel delivery reports every couple of hours.  The rain and weather has really put us in a tight spot, and Jason Koney (native of the south end of Chicago) is doing the work of two or three people tonight.  A real pinch hitter.

I haven't had much time to write lately, and I haven't had much inspiration either.  

Between mental breakdowns, and complete blowouts, I'm hanging in there.  I've noticed a lot of people feeling similarly lately, maybe because of finals, or work, or failing relationships. Maybe it's because there's a full moon tonight. Maybe some lunar-inter-planetary stuff is the reason everything in my life seems to be falling apart.  

Whatever it is, it's made me a real wolf.  I'm ready to rip the arms and legs off the next person who crosses me. 

I'm ready to unwind, and I hope no one gets hurt.
Then again, I don't care if someone does.

I'll never be the same.

The Oilfield Monster